In the devastating unbelief of what is, what was I was ‘obliged’ to dive deeper to my inner self to find my way in the crisscross of unsolved pains and sorrow of many, many sequences of life. Obliged is a big word and it was rather a choice. I chose to take the universal challenge to unsolved the mystery of self. The pain self. The little self. The authentic self. As these means are set by the universal standards like plans and perhaps contracts too. In the deny, the ignorance and in the unwillingness to see myself on a deeper level, mirrored by many people, occasions and soul experiences, the universe faced me the truth. About self.
In the self-pithiness, the unbelievable misunderstanding of self and being the most worse opponent of my soul self with that humanly mind of mine I did live my pains over and over again. Conquering them, resolving that inner layers of deep regret, of forgetfulness and of ignoring that inner soulish self and that sweet inner junior. That little girl what was left in the spelunks of my being sheltered with layers of resentment, of thickness and painful memories of the past. Crying her energetic lungs out and screaming to be seen, to be acknowledged and to be lived.
Memories of lives, of pains and remote full also very, very painful memories. Coming all together and exposed on the soul walk I was about to move onto. The path what brought me the highest devotional experiences but also to the most tearful, dreadful insights. About self. That same self that was carried for most of my entire life by that mind.
The moment I sat in stillness, in wonder of those extra minutes I give myself each morning (when the anger does not consume me about all what is lived, experienced and sat on my soul) I shaped room to let those words come in and I heard “you are not your pain. You are your light”. These few words opened my heart again. The shaking truth of being. Vanished and laughed away for decades.The challenge of all those processes in life is not to focus on what is painful, what is consuming you, what makes you (or made you) fall into tears. It is all about your light what should carry you. If you manage to handle to set your focus on your light instead of on your pain, your anger and perhaps your self-pithiness too… you might set and light your fire (once again) by focusing on that light of yours and make it possible to see it and live it how it is meant to be. As all answers lie inside and that is what counts. You are not your pain. You are in fact your light…