When reality shocks you into surrender

Life can be a tremendous roller coaster. Rolling you into the deep to high peaks to fall down again. The everlasting processes of being might be very scary, frighten you and keep you busy for quite a long time but as time to process can be limited by our humanly vessel itself and the clock starts ticking, the heart starts bouncing deeper and the pain of being mortal can shock you into your veins, pains and disbelief of the eternal wish to live.

I feel devastated. I really do. Feeling totally miscomprehended and misunderstanding the idea of living now an uncurable illness has settled in one of my dearest friends. We all do fight our own battles and even when you are midst in an emotional roller coaster there is nothing so painful and confronting when your time as a human is running out.

Noticing and feeling this into every nerve of my system it was like I vanished away in nowhere land not to feel this unbelievable news. Just awaken in my own truth I was shook again by the fact that life will be ending far too soon for someone I know, deeply resonating, and still so young. It feels like that a big hammer slammed me into reality again once I gathered myself back.

Life can be so mean sometimes, unbelievable unspoken deep and so, so unjustified. I am wondering why such things happen and they happen all the time. Shaken into my reality of existential living, actually being and feeling in connection of real life, I can’t vanish away anymore in my own shaped nowhere land when this painful news reached my doorstep.

This brought me not only back in reality but it also let me shiver and rethink about my own processes. I am certainly aware of my self-pithiness and burnt off state of being. But there is never, although some physical complaints, one day lived in the knowledge of running out of time. This makes me unbelievable humble towards life, the endurance of my own painful processes of many, many years and I feel that it is time to accept all what I have lived for so far as a configurative and contributing aspect to my being. To be transformed to my essential and authentic self.

Humbled by life and hearing such bad news makes me consider my worthified dignity about myself once again and I measured my pains into the existential knowing of being limited by time, leaving the eternity behind. I can only stop resenting my own path, stop complaining and leave my ‘fighting against the universal will’ behind and start to surrender to what is mine. Seeing through the eyes of my soul. I feel humiliated and raised up into my believe and will accept all days with gratitude, with dedication and surrender. Surrender into the greatest form there is. So… bring it on universe what is mine.

Love, Irmgard

By Irmgard Daanen