In the search for my own happiness, last days, I concluded that the meaning of life, living your highest soul potential, is interwoven with this search for happiness. Interwoven means that they do not stand alone and in the counter effective idea of living in the past the idea that happiness was something I bought, did or experienced the whole concept of my own happiness, happy life and conclusively lived matters was based on a misconception of my peculiar thoughts. Narrated by the mind thinking instead of feeling what I really needed.
So far, no good. Seven years later, after my deepest awakening call repeating itself over and over again, deeper and deeper, I was swept by my feet by the stupidity of my humanity living the outdated concept that happiness was something I could manage with my thoughts, actions and rewarding actions to sustain my ability in buying myself a house full of goods, materialized by the fact, the standardization, that I was doing so well. With two fancy cars, a house with a large garden, several pets, a honest husband and all that European holidays I fancied.
All was based on a big lie. I never was overall happy, I lived in forgetfulness of myself and inner being and I concluded a few years ago that I had to move on. To stand on my own feet for the first time in my life. Trembled, shocked and dedicated to pursuit my own happiness I lived a few years in a tiny house on a holiday park. Alone. Facing myself to find this self back in the overwhelming fact of that former life I lived.
On that exact moment that I had to let go of all I had, to discover my essential self, that was as jumping into the deep. My happy soul searching for her own happiness in life. That exact happy sparkle that makes you fly, dancing on your own star and that illuminating eagerness, passionized with the internal flame of feeling. Feeling my existence in full consciousness and awareness in the present moment.
Nobody can serve, buy, or dedicate happiness for someone else and the misconceptualized meaning of life is not something that can be filled with superficial needs, actions and fulfilling a imaginary satisfaction what doesn’t suit the longing of the soul. Your soul. That was the moment I started to realize that happiness is tremendously interwoven with my actions on behalf of my precious soul. Living its sequenced self within the cadres of its plan, its highest potential. The need for a perfectionated self was overruled by the wish of my soul to live itself, its happy sparkle and that happiness I always wished to live. To experience. To be there as a contributive aspect of my daily life.
Yesterday I asked myself “am I happy?” and “do I live that foreseen, wished and satisfying inner happiness?” The happiness what I talked about earlier. The happy feeling that I dreamt of? Lived towards to? No, I don’t was my conclusion. Immediately popped the question “what makes me happy? Truly me?” and I had to think minutes about it. After touching and dripping in my feeling of happiness inside myself I convinced the same self that I have to work towards this and stay in the flow of being. The soul flow relying on that inner sparkle, the passion I feel deeply inside and that existential movement that I need to live this happiness too.
The search for happiness… real inner satisfaction might be a lifelong search. As life is moving, adapting to moments, circumstances and even in your particulier roller coaster it is finding the balance between those deep encounters and into the moments, periods of joyfulness. It isn’t a happy ride always and as you dare to rely on that inner sparkling substance, that soul energy, it might bring you to your essential self. Living its means by living itself. In a meaningful life. Based on the inner bliss, the potential you and the path what might be cleared up with the visioned you. Looking with the feeling of existential truth, soul blast and with the internal, intuitive, eye of guidance. Leading you into your authentic, existential, happiness. That might be still quite some steps away but it is worthful to search your voyage inner way to happiness for a greater life fulfillment.
I am on my way. I just have to arrange a warm bath, I called the beauty salon to feed the outer and inner beautiness and meanwhile I write and draw my way into my happiness. As this is my glowing drive to put my stamp on the outer world by living my means, myself and what I am able to do. Realizing and feeling that the interwoven concept of happiness lies between…
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen