The best for me

I feel humble and small
Just a piece in an undefined greatness
My old hindoe neighbour intended to say
Men is mosquito
This saying refers to how I feel lately
As a small part of the human existence
Although it might be helpful, I put my ego aside
I don’t need it anymore
In this large world of emptiness
I left my ego on the boardwalk
For someone who needs it more than I do

My consciousness about life grew
Meanwhile I tried to discover
Who I actually am. The essence of my being
In this soul searching I found myself back
And I came to a great, life changing insight
In this awareness I realized that my heart wants
A bigger role in my life than it used to have
And the soul wants to BE lived completely
Using its full potential as possible
From this steady basis I rule my life nowadays

I feel very lonely in this process
These identity changing efforts
To let my soul, inner being, evolve makes
Me sad sometimes. Therefore I have to straighten my back
Clear the head of all the struggles
And rely as much as I can on my heart and soul
In the assumption that they know what they want
Because in the wholeness of my spiritual evolution
I really don’t know what I desire anymore
I think I just might follow my heart and soul more and more

It makes me insecure these unknown feelings
I think to know what is right for me
But there are still little doubts in my head
Telling me whether this is the right decision to make
My fears keep my thoughts instantly occupied
They holds me tightly and control my mind
I have to clear my vision of reality
Get rid of this fearful negative thinking
I want to be positive again as I usually am
As these thoughts limit me and the manifestation

I don’t know what to do anymore
Even I really don’t know what to believe
Is everything I hear and believe
All I thought that is my reality, what I ought to know
Based on fantasy or dreams of love?
I have to step aside and look with a clear view
To myself and the process I am facing
My conclusion is the only thing that is for sure
Is that I am in ‘the now’ as the constant factor of my life
In this moment of great reflection
I realized that I am scared
Anxious for the upcoming changes

I believe that I am stronger than I used to be
All the pain let me suffer but gave me great inner strength
A powerful force within myself
With this clarity I move slowly on
Trusting the journey of my soul
I carry on relying on my loving heart
With the conviction that everything will be alright soon
That was my believe for a long time. Head up keep on moving
Now I know every change, the universe put on my path
Is always the best for me. That is my true knowledge

Love, Irmgard
(Text written in November 2018)