Laying on my bed this morning I heard the noise and felt the vibration of demolition work of an old building next door. Strange enough how uncomfortable I feel about this nearby movement and all the nuisance it gives to me, my work and the fact that I am easily overflown by external vibrations and input it also gives me the opportunity to find the stillness in myself whatever I live or go through.
As this is one big learning moment to stay by myself and to find that inner spot of wellness (my inner sanctuary of stillness) over and over again I felt that I am not as distracted as six months ago when the demolition work started. A great test again. To learn into difficult moments and times.
Reconsidering how this nuisance effected my being, visually seeing how an old building is thorn into pieces, is deconstructed and every brick what was build once to be an everlasting artefact of a building this moved me to feel deeper the meaning of hearing the falling bricks with enormous collapse and empowerment on the earthly grounds. Seen the plans of what is envisioned I realized that to build and to live something new, you have to leave the old. Deconstruct and let go of the old settings, patterns and the old cadres of being.
Visualizing this on my own life I felt tremendously relieved that I personally went to unlayer and peeling of al my internal bricks I build, the walls I put around my being for all pain, the rejection and harshness I had had to live. Not only in this life, but in many, many lives before. Conquering and fighting against myself for decades, not even in the possibility to feel what was happening, I lived my life and focused on all around me except my true self.
Living behind walls, defending myself by the upcoming mistrust and unconscious living life passed by. Shopped myself a thousand times around to buy myself happiness. Guess what? It never gave my that inner satisfaction and happiness. Fighting against my own created walls of incomprehensive thoughts and patterns the universe got involved with me since 2014 deeply.
In the time that went by I realized, and this deconstructing work of the neighbors reminds of, the fact that you only can build the new, the new you, as you have demolished the old. The patterns of how it used to be. In this underlayment of your own walls and foundation you have to go to the ashes. The earthly dust. Once all naked without any defense, walls neither fences you have to dare to show yourself in your true naked self and that is so immense difficult. To see, feel and live the pure essence of who you are, showing its vulnerability by openness, being fully awaken into consciousness and daring to take full responsibility. Not only for who you authentically are but for the whole naked you, being fully responsible for your actions and behavior.
This takes guts. This takes empowerment and in the fierceness, the reliability of who you truly are, you might grow into your own ashes and rise above it. Like a phoenix. Stronger, consciously aware of the fact that you are alive, feeling alive and act on behalf of your true natural born you. Without pretenses, without mask nor masking activities. The essential you as you are supposed to be. How beautiful is that? Building bricks, walls and fences is humanly like and sometimes needed to overcome pain, grief and so much more but as you are aware that it is life sheltered behind those old patterns, defending mechanisms, you will probably understand that it is all about you. Naked. True. Going from building bricks into prisons, into well protected castles to islands of downstream to deconstruction, universal demolition work, to show the world the beautiful soul you are. No fences needed anymore, no walls nor the old. Just trust on your processes, the universal energies and surrender to these highly important processes to transform you to your best, authentical, self….
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen