In the misconception of my own being I think I am, but I am not. I am not in connection with self, with others and even not in my natural surroundings: my actual habitat. In the midst of all that deep internal processes of last years I became closer to myself as never before but moving to a habitat that doesn’t suit my hypersensitive being doesn’t bring me so far no good. However, that is my opinion.
The deeper I went, the processes with myself, I didn’t succeed to hold that internal line with self and in the trembling nuisances of my environment I became more withdraw inside than being connected with myself. Therefore I also lost the connection with others now I am unable to maintain that inner line with self. O yes, I cleaned up several internal shit, baggage, soul pains. It doesn’t mind how you call it. The process stands on its own and is very clear.
The main factor on the moment is, to restore the connection with self in order to connect with others again. I certainly was on my way but the universe apparently felt that I have to become stronger in my basis and therefore launched a lot of noise, shock waves and other sensitive matters to shake my being once again into its nerves, veins and soul. And they did it well, I must say. I passed the universal test once again…
To restore a lost alignment, connection, with self isn’t easy sometimes. As I learned to grow and reset in my own prophesy of being again and again am I used now to get grip on that connection with my soul again. The more I lost it in my processes, it goes up and down, the more I was able to reconnect again. Nevertheless, last year was so difficult, shaken and being cakewalked so deeply by these demolition and construction work at the neighbor’s, that I am so deeply withdrawn in self that I spend more time outside myself, as a flight, than inside. I am a star in placing myself out of myself. Seeing myself with an helicopter view and realizing that I am ‘a poor thing’ in my being. Being poor in the disability to connect with self.
The moment you realize, understand, that there is a poor connection or none, with yourself you can be able to watch inside what is lacking. What you miss to take that step forwards to restore that alignment with self. This is not the easiest part to do so and I learned for so far, and that is my personal path however (yours might be different and its salvation too), is that I have to take a good care for myself and focus on my wellbeing for once and forever.
From an empty vessel you can’t serve, you can’t align with an empty shell and the moment you feel that you drained by life itself, all its processes included, the moment has come to step forward in the prophesy of your higher self and act on its behalf and start nurturing it. The best feed for your inner being is to take a good care for it and the actual step forward in this process is that you get a grip on its needs. The moment you see and recognize its existential truth, its authentic meanings in essentiality, you can make progress. By its knowing you can start to feel in it what it needs to get you carried along the path of the soul and to make sure, reassure, that it existence is carried by your humanly being, its vessel, your mind.
I know that I have to focus more on the need of nurturing and a good lead hereby is to focus on my happiness or on that (small) things what make me happy. I started to set boundaries and I only do on the moment things, like appointments, what suit my (well)being. It is a small act, drawing a line, but a big step forward to reconnect myself again with that same self. Life is not meant to be that I am floating away on the energetic fields to step out of my awareness and losing the bond, the line, that precious silver lining, with myself. And others as a natural cause being out of connection with my inner source. That is why my focus lays on self. And that has totally nothing to do with egoism but rather with self-love. Loving self in the connection with my soul.