In the almighty humanly race we sometimes feel stuck in the middle of our life, own plan, maybe contract too, and in this feeling of inner discontentment there is nothing more reliable than to feel this thoroughly so this can heal for the better. For the contributive aspect to the whole. What starts with the contribution to the self, relatives friends and so on.
In the lost temptations to satisfy everyone and anyone as a natural born chameleon I missed the change in my occupied try to be the ‘best’ mother, the best possible wife, the best possible sister, daughter, daughter in law… How much I tried, I failed. I tried harder and I failed more and deeper. To conclude I can’t do it all. Meanwhile doing my best I can & I couldn’t satisfy everyone and I missed probably a lot.
Doing good is one thing, but doing your best in the perception of others is completely the other thing. I sure know when you do your best and it is empowered by the heart and the soul there is nothing like failure. It is just learning, evolving, falling and getting up that almighty soul staircase to universal soul enlightenment.
Until so on… no good. I failed to my opinion several times, moments as I thought I did my best, doing it good and within the borders of my own thinking I surely did all I could and that was exactly what I missed. I probably missed the feeling of doing it well all set by that same heart and soul. Now I get the ‘bill’ of the past.
Maybe I feel too guilty of what I couldn’t give at that time. The intention was indeed loving but I missed the deeper ground and salvation of myself and I now sure understand that we are all human and nothing is so definitely wrong in all the processes we encounter throughout our lives to think that we have failed. It was just me attending to the earthly learning school. This doesn’t certainly not mean that I can walk away just like that.
Nevertheless, the past is the past. I gained a lot within myself and I learned definitely much. With my envisioned sight now I can accept what was, how I formerly was and in the unfolded okayness with myself and can just let it be… Being the best as I was then and being the best as I can do now. It doesn’t take away the pain but I surely can accept what is. It is what it is. For the now. And I have to move on. That’s the path. Forwards. Without a return. Knowing in the present that I am not made for perfection but for being humanly real…