I am living my own version. With all its ins and outs. Dualistic sides. One day I accept and the other day am fighting and doubting my unique path. Whether I go, which lead I follow, is due to my own perception, my choice and my inner balance as well. Some days the world is bright almost clear and the path is straight ahead and always just a few steps away from my processing being. I have no vision, no will and no dedicated belief that I have to live.
In the total detachment of last years I learned to let go of all. Most of all my old self. You can call me ‘awake’. Awaken in my own truth of being. Of living. Consciously progressing and always keeping in mind that all steps I take, all that days that I feel worried about all and everything, it is okay. The invisible truth is the one I live with my heart and soul. And that is all what matters.
My day starts with the intention I put. My intention always is how bad I feel, imbalanced I am this is also very peculiar to live. To feel these humanly awkwardness and distractions in my life. Stepping out my former rat race I just accept what is. Like today. The world seems grey, I feel stuck with all that regulations concerning Corona and I am so, so intense tired. Of the same last years I keep on telling about. All the pains, sorrow and intensity has to come out to the surface to be processed. Accepting all what is I slowly move forward. I do not live a rat race anymore. The distressing thought of being is that we think we are urged to live like that. But I can tell you it isn’t. It is the choice you make. The appearances you probably want to keep up.
My total life collapsed on the moment I started feeling and I was urged, on behalf of my physical and soul needs, to step out of that big hamster wheel I was walking for decades. I am still recovering of those intense times and as life is life and threw plenty of more learning moments on my humanly living plate I had to deal with it.
I have an off day today. A huge one. That is all right. I slept until noon, drummed on my shamanic drums and start singing with it for the first time. I feel good by doing what I feel what I have to do. May do. In acceptance, in surrender I pass my days to be recovered of my burn out and by all doing this I feel that I am on my way. Conceiving the moment now. Letting the tears come when they want to come, doing as much as I am able to do and by actually surrender to this I feel that there is more room coming. For other things. Things what suit my being, living my internal passionate soul for once and all & ever. This time is given, the universe supplies my humanly needs what do I wish more for?
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen