In total surrender

In the trembling, shaking, effect of life, called my own personal cakewalk of being, I have been shaken multiple times. Not only to get grip on myself but also on life itself. As life is living in awareness.

Shaken to be awaken means for me that you are trilled, woken up, in every body nerve, DNA soul cell to be fully consciously living. Although, that is the universal plan. My plan as I write my own story as storyteller, narrator and living contributary aspect of my humanly self.

Oh boy, that cakewalk! The moment I stepped in there was no way back. To my former patterns, beliefs and even life. I was shaken so badly that I flew away, just like that, out of my comfort zone into the standing fields of my particular energy and being. That mirror of life, the other side of myself, what was shook up by leaving all I had known for so far (of myself) fell apart. Bit by bit until I was able to stand on my own feet.
Stepping in the universal cakewalk, the energetic roller coaster, isn’t something you can order like that. There is something called divine timing and my time certainly had come, more than seven years ago, and I am still shaking on my feet. Holding and grabbing back so far to my mind I noticed (read felt), after the universe launched me like a rocket out of my comforted shelter, walls, fences or whatever of myself, and I learned that there was some greater than that awful mind of mine… my soul.
The moment I landed on my both feet, in my inner and outer awareness, I repeatedly felt that I had lost myself decades ago into the rusted belief of my existence that all was well. Told, narrated and also lived by that same mind. The moment I pulled myself together the feelings of my soul came, drip by drip, into my consciousness.
In this pushing awareness of my inner self, it was after the launch, quite gentle and respectful to my being softly answers dripped in on questions like “who am I” and “what is my contribution to the world” and “what is the reason for my existence”? As I wasn’t happy for quite a while and even when my anxieties came in I managed to take care of myself better and better. Knowing that all would be fine. Always trying to keep that positive attitude even on days that I had to drag myself out of my bed.
Slowly, process after process, I learned how to be okay with myself, knowing into my feelings what I needed and how to relax. This has been always and it still is a point of attention to get my being silenced in its own sequenced settings. This cakewalk, mines did it frequently and still does, shook me up to every corner of my existential truth. Meanwhile I discovered that the more I fought against the universal will, even I had my own free will in what to do and what to decide, the universe shakes you so badly that you will bend like a twig, be willing like a sponge and that you are as contributive and cooperate as they wish you to be.
I bended several times and shred oceans of tears. Falling onto my knees (not literally but figurative) and begged for mercy saying ‘didn’t I got enough’? Complaining even shouting in my anger into the etheric sphere ‘do I really deserve this’? Nevertheless, bouncing back from the dark spelunks of my mind, I evolved into a tame sheep. Bleating the universal song of alignment after all. Willingly, more than once, as the most universal cooperative sponge, twig, chameleon and sheep there is all together… and still my mind got over the instant surrender, bending and willingness and kept on fighting against the will of the universal energies. Now, years later, facing “the deep” more times than I can count on ten fingers I just feel that the only way to resist my mind, my dilemma “mind versus soul” and all what comes along, and only can smoothen my path, ease my being and stepping out this tremendous cakewalk is to accept and surrender completely.
I loose and lost my battle, the immaculate and intense contagious mind-soul dilemma and its impact on my life. The universe will get you over there to raise that white flag saying ‘ceasefire’, I will follow, I will surrender and I will accept my soul, its predestined path and its soul existential truth knowing and feeling its authenticity in my humanly bones, nerves and every DNA cell. I still realize and feel that I will never be there, as there is no there.
It is all about the path and I have chosen for a more easy path by smoothing it with confidence, trust and willingness. In surrender and acceptance that it will be fine and one day that existential cakewalk, the universal roller coaster, whether gives me a pause or pauses or let me step out of the shaken concept of life and offer me a more substantial, contributive and easier life than I have lived as long as I can remember. The evoked truth is the one I will live with my soul and never and never again with my mind…
Love, Irmgard🌟
By Irmgard Daanen