As the flu is making my body very weak and my being very depressive about all the construction noises at the neighbors the overwhelming fact is, you can see it as an awakening side effect of having the “C flu”, that (despite of the former happiness ‘the hallelujah moment of we finally found a house in this strange house market nowadays and of some kind with a large working room for myself) I am in total despair of becoming myself once more in the cacophony of all that noise, movement and activity makes me almost desperate.
In this agony of being, I left that inner sparkle just months ago, it is time to pick up my own lead again and I said to myself “it has been enough. Lets move on”. I am not afraid to start all over with no continuous income and to leave the old behind to improve my well-being and to feed that inner sanctuary of being. The time I was afraid for everything and was soaked into my own anxieties is completely over and the universe showed me that they will take a good care for you once you give them their lead, trust and your surrender.
In the collapse of myself, in several occasions the last years, I just feel, an inner knowing with my depressed mind and hurting body at the background, that the only attachment there is, is to myself. This is the biggest lesson Iife learned me in this almighty roller coaster route of the soul.
My happiness doesn’t start with a large house. Certainly not. All that cleaning work is totally not my idea of a happy life fulfillment. All that brick does conclude and exclude my being and even that large working room does scream and shout everyday “I have an almighty purpose too”. All together seen I love to see a bird, a squirrel and some trees. And my sensitiveness badly needs rest. Silence. A tranquil green spot in this (for me being so intense psychic) overwhelming tsunami world to do my thing in life. A place to be in a happy encountering, a loving setting to reside and a contributive place to myself, my soul and my soul goody work.
So the line is drawn. I made the universe and myself very firmly clear that this is not the place to be for me. The point is made and with a thankful heart to what was, the real estate agent tomorrow will give us a clou whether we go to the North of the Netherlands where the houses are relative cheaper or may be further away. I leave it to the necessary will to what may be. I definitely won’t be influenced by a large stone house and almighty working space anymore. A tiny table to write and to draw and maybe do a mediumistic consult so now and then that is fair enough for me. Enough is… enough.
Lets see the future bright and clear, the horizon wide open and in all the trust I give any and for all to the universe it might lead us to… I don’t know. Fortunately I only see future things when they allow me to see them. As all are possibilities due to the final choices I make there no cadred outcome. Possibly the outcome is once again beyond my personal (mind) range that when they tell me my anxieties come in and that is exactly not the moment now and that is never wished. That will stagnate my being. In the mean while I try to take my rest, care for myself and feel what I need to go on…
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen