I am not a chameleon

In the never ending story of what is, it is what it is. Life is a tremendously upcoming, repeating and undeniable thing. You better get along with it to ease your way and dive in the deep called life itself. They (the universe) certainly never promised you a rose garden and even in thorns of life itself there is glow, color and fragrance. It is just a matter of awareness. To set you still and start seeing, noticing, feeling, being consciously aware and start smelling. To flourish and nourish yourself with all what life has to offer in its best, most enjoyable and pleasant way.

I am in the midst of my process of being consciously noticing, living and experiencing and I consistently ask myself what has life still has to offer at my middle aged stage of life? Considering and focusing on questions like what do I still like to do and what makes me happy? As life was quite thrilled, occupying and annoying too on most occasions I have a problem with feeling for myself.

My specialty, and perhaps you recognize this, is focusing upon others, on their needs and on their happiness. Pointing out to their happiness and in this peculiarity, this programming of my own being, I am mostly adapted to others, their energy and their demand. I feel like a chameleon sometimes not knowing, and feeling of course, that I have to reset and asset my being on myself, my focus and my well-being.

Falling the last seven years in one to another process, all to become the best version of myself, I gave myself away and adapted to the needs of others. Spreading, giving and repeatedly losing myself in this too. Really said, I am so fed up with this. I am not a chameleon adapting others colors. No, I have to find my own unique colors on the way. Presumed I have an original state of being like anyone else as my soul DNA is set on serving others.

Hell yes, I did serve! Quite a lot and the misunderstanding of this all is that I never have foreseen this in my life for so far. Forgetting myself completely. This knowledge, this painful inner feeling, makes me aware that I am alive and kicking too and instead of, energetically seen, being adapted to others it sure is time -love the divine timing!- to focus on myself more and the more and try to undo myself of the energetic colors of others. To squeeze the sponge of self. Shutting my aurographic field off by the golden light, the golden bliss, sun shower of the universal wealth. To close my bubble to shield and protect myself.

I am a colorful, unique soul. We all carry this beautiful core inside us. For me, the moment has arrived to embrace myself the fullest of who I am, who I became after doing such a hard inner work for eight years now, and to feel loved by myself. Answering my questions and start doing what I really like to do, what I still want to do and give a go to this. Consistently denying my own existence for so far I have learned that I am not a chameleon, not a drain, a sponge for energies and certainly not a giveaway in eternity. I have to experience, feel, enjoy life with my senses. To let the touch of being become mines and start smelling my own fragrance, seeing with my eyes, feeling and hearing what I need to keep on going.

The focus lies on self and every step I make, every move I make will be drenched with asking myself is it good for me? Does it make me feel happy down inside that glowing inner energetical sunny bulb? Do I feel comfortable? On my way to become the best potential version of myself, navigating on my inner leads, I am aware that every tiny step is one and matters. Even when life, the process itself might set me back for a while. In the realization of what, in the intention, lies always the progress too. For now that is an awareness to keep up the progress. To stay moving. In the colorful means of my unique soul path I am shaking my feathers, undo myself of the colored means of others and wake myself up to become whole. I am okay. It is okay. I am progressing after all on behalf of myself. Isn’t that great!?!

Love, Irmgard

By Irmgard Daanen