Feeling deeply in my heart & soul

In a consequence of following-ups of the inner feelings of my being I will find everything I need. Although, that is what the universe keeps on telling me. The contradiction in terminus of this is that my humanly self won’t accept this. Over and over again.

As a dedicated soul follower, an intuition freak sometimes (I am talking about myself) I still believe that, on my soul days, my radiant inner sun and its internal knowing certainly bring me wherever I need to be. The challenge is to silence the mind, to turn the ego radio off and to focus on the inner intuitive leads.

So it happened. As I am searching for a new, very tranquil place to live, be, to write and to create, sprout and launch my inner ideas it brought me, in my early morning  just after noon (everybody has structure), to Belgium. As the house market here in ‘my wooden shoes and mill land’ let my inner soft cheese melt into tears… you can guess that for my tiny happy soul budget there is no suitable quiet place to spot on the internet for months.

Know your worth is what I hear too but launching everything for free on the internet and on my multiple websites won’t bring me golden eggs or a tight budget to hold on to in my focus (read need because of the hypersentiveness of my being) in the search for a house. It only feeds my inner wealth so far. Nevertheless, that is so worthy but you can’t eat cheese of it. From Gouda.

Up to Belgium, full gas and with a lot of hope. The house market there is still pleasant, agreeable and not competitive by other house seekers bidding over and over. I found my idealic, almost utopic, spot to receive, write and create in outstanding ways and forms. 8000 square meters of woodland with a tiny house on it. I was so eager and excited this morning I instant jumped out of bed. Oh, man… that was a feeling of a long time ago! I felt alive again in that burnt off state of being.

Never mind. We got an appointment in the afternoon. Oh my o my, just passing the old border I felt room and an inner sight of being mastered myself. I saw kind houses with green gardens and so much space around. I breathed this in and out. And again. Loved it.

I read and was informed that the house had no gas, sewerage but plenty of asbestos. As that all together wasn’t enough (it couldn’t dim my enthusiasm so far by the idea of having found my almighty writing spot -a stone cabin in the forest-) however as soon as the real estate agent asked “do you know there is no water?” it paused my enthusiasm for a moment.

Knowing of myself that I am never silenced easily and problems are turned into challenges I said here at home: yes, let’s start living off-grid! Feeling that I need more simplicity in my life, less stuff and cluttering I launched myself as the new Dutch Marie Kondo and started a while ago to get rid of all that shopaholic stuff of the past. It pleased me then but doesn’t satisfy anymore as I found my inner wealth. Soul wealth. I bake my own bread too!

Belgium there I came full of enthusiasm. I already informed by the Belgic Water company what a new water supply should cost. Very progressive indeed. Knowing that there was much more to fix, rebuild and restore. As I watched for months Restoration Home this would be easy peasy, I thought… My best friend said… feel in the moment. Feel it! Feel it when you are there. When your heart (and soul!) say YES you know it. Look beyond the construction work. So I tried. So I did. Tried hard indeed.

I felt in the house, outside the house and the only thing I could think was what a mess! I didn’t feel anything. No universal words, input of whatever. Nada. I stood on my own. Like most of such times. Thank you universe! Even when I should bivouac a year in that tiny wooden gypsy wagon what was all included in the sale (even all that mess, dirt and demolition bricks and so on) I couldn’t get this fixed alone.

Disillusioned, tired however so relieved that I may write, doing what I love, create, loving what I do instead of playing Bep the Builder for quite some time gave me such a rest. It’s a pity… I almost had my own forest and I definitely had loved hearing the birds whistle, seeing the squirrels play and being in stillness as I never could have imagined. Being aware of and being relentlessly free to receive all the words I am allowed to receive and to write down in texts, books or more. But today… it wasn’t meant to be.

It comes as it comes and the universe does serve me only what suits me. I felt relieved afterwards being realistic that this was far beyond my league. Hopefully I will find my tiny writing house in the woods and for so far I am still in that too busy business area where I live on the moment. All what is served might be a test too or the meaning of this might be that I am challenged to feel deeper what suits me the best. And I will. I feel deeper what makes me happy. A place to resident what gives at first sight that internal love and feeling that every aspect of myself, prominent my heart and soul, feel and say “yes… I will! I do! Let’s connect and buy!”

Love, Irmgard

By Irmgard Daanen