When a past weights you down due to its heaviness and it feels that this blast of energetic concrete thorns you into your humanly self it is time, as the timing is always now, the divine timing, to clear up its weight of being. The supernatural carried package, universally attracted and concealed, can bring an immense, might have an immense impact on the blooming concept of this same being too.
When your heaviness securities your flourishing nature into its existential, say natural, embarquement of that same being you are cadred, might be cadred, into yourself without even feeling what is happening.
My past weights into its heaviness, sequenced into myself, as a falling concrete stone on my existential truth. This rewarding contribution to my being actually took place a couple of days ago. As for several years I am peeling myself off into awareness, to a consistently consciousness into my existence. By navigating myself on behalf of my soul, into a more natural and existential belief, by letting go of my mind, my ego and its dictations.
The concrete fell as a huge part of an old building, due to demolition works at the neighbors, on my true meaning of being. It collapsed like a bomb into my sheltered state of my ‘holy workspace’. I was just trying to find alignment to receive the words, universal words, to write down this input. The moment the large piece of concrete felt down, I was shaken into my energetic field, my safe house and in the alignation chord with the universal common wealth. My basic feeling of being safe, into my rooted well-being, had been trembled, was shaken and was fallen into almighty pieces. I felt disorientated in myself.
Shook and shocked into my nerves, bones and willingness to write automatically, I was devastated on behalf of myself. I put my men’s pants on and drifted as I can be for the first time in more than six months I complained directly at the crane driver. As my tears flew over my cheeks I tried to explain that during the three times falling that large piece of concrete on the dusty grounds my house almost fell apart. It seemed like. As these men only do their work I left my astonishment, drifted tears and my words saying “it’s enough, I can’t bear this anymore” behind. Knowing and feeling that we are all human after all…
Yesterday I pulled my own wall of concrete up, defended my fence by pushing everyone away. Knowing that my past was dripping in letting me feel that I don’t have to weight myself down anymore by the heavy harshness of times what had passed by. In the many years that followed I broke my own walls down, peeling myself like an onion to start feeling what is deep down inside, I was forgotten that my natural mechanism of security was that building those bricks, the walls of the past, hold me together too. In the now.
In this fake awareness of feeling myself secure behind my own concrete, the walls of the past, the immediate actual falling of the pieces of what was next door, had shaken myself into my self-consciousness once again. Realizing that I couldn’t let anyone come near yesterday and pushed my loved ones unashamed away made me refeel. During the moments of drawing a mandala by hand, memories came in and it even made me cry.
The unfortune anger and the momentizing shock brought me back into reality. As it took several hours to drip in, in my system, I instinctively feel now that I noticed my own feeling, my patterns and by actual acknowledging this feeling, by seeing myself and acting upon this, the other can see me too. As the crane driver did. My loved ones did. For me a huge piece of concrete had shaken my basic safe house and shelter, its foundations and its roof but mine too. In the defending mechanism of the old ways to act and interact, revealing its inner feeling, I just realize that all the pains of the past had weighted me down. I can assure you that no brick, no wall and no fence can protect you when you feel internally unsafe.
It is the challenge to feel this and acknowledge this. In this enormous understanding I will drink my cup of coffee now and feel the internal bliss of feeling, of seeing and feeling through old dynamics, patterns and former exclusivity by withdrawing myself into the past. In the openness of my being, in this open line and connection I easily can, might be, connect myself with others. No concrete between anymore! Happy Sunday. We all have our paths. Just be aware of your feelings. The love for self. As no wall will protect you in the time of being when this love has to be felt…
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen