In the lost memories of how you used to be you might have forgotten the you who seeked within every moment to be playful, to be childish and to be joyful. Every conquered moment of being in the remembrance of who you was, the little junior, you might have vanished these feelings in a second of thoughts nowadays. Perhaps you can not imagine a glimpse of who you actually were, the downsized you, years, decades ago.
We all do carry that little sweet junior inside our life long. In the forgetfulness of being, overflown by this carried life as well, swept up by the trembling effect of life and maybe that ego mind too you might have lost your acquaintance, your connective string, with the childish inner you.
You are also your junior, your elder and your final. You are all at the same time. In the moment of being. That was my realization, knowing and feeling this in awareness, when I closed my outer being for a short moment of stillness. Some call it meditation, for me it is a moment to get in touch with my higher self. Nowadays a daily practice.
I was completely forgotten my inner child. The blooming, happy and playful junior I used to be. The impulsive, optimistic and cheerful me. It was captured by life itself and the moment I closed my eyes I opened the door to my inner self and dared to look inside (the more you practice the easier this is) she was there sitting, weeping in a corner, of that same inner deepened self.
The moment I noticed her I asked her ‘why are you weeping?’ she let me feel that life had been harsh on her and she caried a lot of pains, sorrows and even grief. Of her remembrance. Of life. The trembled side effect of life had made her overlooked and she withdraw herself in a corner of my inner self. Not feeling sorry for herself but rather trembled and shocked by that same life. I had been busy. Serving others too and meanwhile she was forgotten and there was nothing left for her over and this made her small and crying. Crying in forgetfulness, of disbelief and anxiety too.
After feeling this, noticing her and her pains, I started to invite her to come out. Reaching my hand and said ‘don’t be afraid, I have the same feelings of anxiety to the outer world, we will do this this together. We can do this and you never will be alone again. The two of us can make this happen in the allied bond we have and in the connection we live’. Saying it is okay, firmly embracing her emphasizing we are okay, to show herself to the world. To perform, doing her thing, as reason for her existence.
As that was all she had to hear she jumped like that out of my being and started dancing. Her tears dried by the feeling of existence. We danced together in rounds and swirling over the ground like the most common thing in the world. I was totally overwhelmed by this instant change just by seeing her, acknowledging this sweet little thing who had been there for ever since my childhood. We met again but now in a total wondering of alliance, of connection and of the consciously given worthiness of her existence.
The fact that I have embraced her, connected with her and accepted her as a part of myself I can make progress. Processing on behalf of my soul. As all starts with the connection I make with myself without the nuisance of that former ego driven, fearful, me. We are on our way. Feeling that it is time to play outside, to act like it is meant to be, embracing not only myself as the forgotten little me but also the joyfulness and happiness again. Capturing the wonder of life itself in the moments of magic. I was slightly forgotten looking through her eyes and that made me living veiled, unconcentrated and totally disconnected with myself for decades. Glad to be back, reacquainted, in an instant of gathering a moment of stillness. The wondering of that moment captured in my being like never before.
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen