The fucked up reality of who you are is destined to be improved. Are you? The illusion of being is that you are thinking that you are. But do you? Are you kicking and alive?
The answer on this question isn’t simple and can’t be given like that. The processes to find out whether you are or aren’t, and neither (far)fetched remains always a mystery if you don’t, is a lifelong search. An inner quest of being and highly foreseen by the universal plan, universal good and even the contract if this applies to you.
The thinking, the thoughts of being, are the miscomprehend unsolved mystery of the mind and is a way beyond and very seclusive, inherent to yourself, for anyone. It is a specialized job that only you can figure out whether your mind determines you and your idea of living or your relatively lived inner self. The mind, what withholds and secludes of all inner matters, is the main leader of your bounded self. In these thoughts about the life question “are you?” sticks the misleading conceptual state of your own life.
You think you are, isn’t it? You are not what you think you are. You are the living result, the begin, the plot and the ending, of what you think you are. The fact is, that is so humanly like and we all have the notion, the idea, of the counter effective state of being that we are so, so interwoven with that mind of us. I shall try to explain that with my own experiences.
I am brought up in a middle class family, hardworking people, and they worked hard for every penny. My parents both didn’t have the opportunity to study as members of large families and they always insisted on having a good education. For my sister and me. As tame as a sheep I went to several schools, higher and higher, to get my academic law degree. Although my heart lies by nature and my heart said go study Geography, my mother emphasized go to the Design Academy I chose for a law school.
Despite of that I liked what I learned but my heart wasn’t there. Even when I got my bull life decided that I had to take care for my children. Meanwhile I applied for several law (related) jobs but I never found one and the more occupied I got with my children my dreams faded bit by bit away. As I formerly thought that ‘I was’ with a academic degree life showed me that I certainly wasn’t.
As I felt trapped into my life, vanishing my former dreams away, I thought that my life was good by materializing almost every part of it. Holidays… name it. Two fancy cars, a fine house with a large garden and I bought my unhappiness away. Still… I certainly wasn’t. I thought I was. That was the largest misconception I ever made. Thinking first that my education and later all that fancy stuff made me.
The moment the universe started knocking on my inner door I wasn’t so keen to open it but as stubborn as the universal energies are they knocked themselves in. Uninvited. The time , the divine time, was there to solve that mystery of myself and it was clear that I had to dive deeper to get to know myself on a level I didn’t realize I ever had. The mystery of self has to be solved and in the mist of the thinking, former layers of pain, I had to dive deeper and deeper to unpeel that shelters of defense, of pains to reveal the unsolved question of who I was.
It is almost 8 years now and I am still learning. Piece by piece the shelter of being, the mystery of myself, opens itself. Of course this is difficult, full of fears (and tears too!), but the moment the universe entered my inner shelter, the comforted zone, the false thought of myself, it never was the same. And it still isn’t. I had to let go every idea of myself, I left my comforted life (although I thought it had been comforting for so far) and I was detached of everything. Most of all the processes leaded me to a complete detachment of myself knowing that I am safe, guided well by my intuitive leads, and I was able to leave that fucked up idea that I was by having an education, by all that material and even status, that I was. As I wasn’t.
Well, resumed… you certainly are not what we think you are and the moment you dare to give up the idea of this and dare to dive deeper you might be able to find out who you actually are and starting questions like ‘who am I essentially’? What is the reason why I am here? What makes me happy? Why, why, why did life flow like this and what is the lesson, what are the lessons, I had to learn for so far? You can’t hide anymore behind the illusion of who you are, behind the layers of the unknown you, the moment life moves you into the roller coaster of your own living emotions. Therefor you have to be open minded and the emotional roller coaster you have stepped in or are about to step in… just realize the universe gives you a one way ticket. There is no rehearsal, no way back. Nevertheless, don’t forget, tell that to your mind and soul self, you will definitely find out who you are. Like I did and still do. Have a good trip! Bon voyage! Gute reise!
MY HAPPY SOUL
By Irmgard Daanen